a letter to my father on the anniversary of his death

Dear Dad,

It has been 8767 days since you left us. When I calculated that amount, I couldn’t believe it; to me it sounded too little. I know to many others it feels like yesterday but I lost you so early on in my life, it feels like forever. As a child, I didn’t consciously struggle without you being here. I didn’t get jealous or upset when I saw other children spending time with their dads. I came and visited you at the cemetery with Mum every week and that’s what my normality was. As I grew up however, your absence has affected me a lot more; The fact I can’t remember your voice or your infectious laugh that everyone tells me about. You not being here to walk me down the aisle when I get married, that you will never meet my future children. How my memories of you have become more like memories of memories. The wonder I have everyday; have I inherited any of your personality, what would our relationship look like now and the killer: would you be proud of me today?