First off, let me start off by saying I am so extremely sorry that I have not posted in a while. Between working and starting university, I haven’t had much time. And the time I have had has been taken up with other important life admin. My blog posts may be a bit more sporadic from now on as I am focusing on giving my all to my course. However, I will try to write as much as possibly can and make use of any small spare time I have.
As I have spoken about numerous times on here, I suffer with anxiety (and depression). My anxiety often manifests itself in agoraphobia, meaning I find it extremely difficult to leave the house. Since starting my job, my mental health issues have decreased significantly. I always feel better when I am in a busy routine, mainly as it stops me over-thinking every single issue. Working has been a life line for me, as I hate to let people down, I would never ever not turn up to a job. Therefore, many times where I have felt those anxious thoughts come on, I have carried on regardless. Not entertaining them and pushing them back down in order to do as good as job as I can do. I also feel better mentally (and it’s important that I stress this word) when I engage with people on a daily basis.
Obviously it is incredible that I have found a routine that helps my mental health. However, there is a complex issue in that I am also an introvert. This means that while I enjoy socialising, I find it quite physically exhausting. While extroverts gain energy by being around others, I lose it. And I have to recharge my energy by having some quiet time. There is another factor which I am not going to go into in this post because although it contributes to my problem, it is an issue that deserves it’s own blog post; This is that I also suffer from something called chronic fatigue.
So the problem I’m having is that I mentally feel better when I am getting out the house everyday, socialising, working and being busy in general. But physically I feel absolutely exhausted. Every second of every day. So I take some time to recuperate… However, then when I take some ‘down time’, my anxiety and depression often rears its head and I find it hard to get back into my busy routine. This recently happened when I took some time off work over Freshers Week. I only had one introductory lecture, which meant I had a full week of nothing and although physically I needed a break, mentally I could not handle it and I slipped back into feeling anxious and worrying about leaving the house.
‘Pacing’ is often suggested to those who suffer with chronic conditions. And I think it should be suggested to those who have anxiety and are also introverts. If you get to the point where you need some alone time, make sure you listen to your body and facilitate that somehow. But also make sure you do something productive; e.g. go for a short walk. If you cannot physically manage that, sit in your garden. Read a book. Do something small that gets you out of the house in the middle of your allocated rest time. I really recommend pacing to anyone who is going through similar issues.
I am not sure if this will help anybody, I hope someone take something useful away from this ramble. Even if it’s just that you can identify with the feelings that I have shared and feel less alone. I know this post has a been a bit all over the place, I am not back in the routine of writing yet and that will probably show. I have a lot of beauty and fashion pieces to review so my next few posts will probably be a bit lighter.
Until next time,
Kaylee x
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